Lust Or Love
by controlled climb
Summary: --"Can't you just leave, Lily?" Emmeline muttered, breaking the awkward silence between the two. "Go be happy for yourself. I'd like to wallow in my own despair for a bit, thanks."-- Written for Rachel, my love, for her birthday.


**This, and my soul, is dedicated to my lovely twin, Miss Rachel, on her birthday. Have a great day, love.**

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Lily Evans watched as one of her best friends, Emmeline Vance sprawled out across the common room couch and buried her face into one of the pillows. Lily could only just hear the muffled scream that could have been potentially ear splitting. She sighed, sitting down on the carpeted floor and folding her legs, preparing herself for the rant that she knew was coming. It was always the same story when Emmeline got upset, and Lily was tired of hearing it. Still, she stayed seated and waited patiently. It was only a few moments later when Emmeline showed her face and peered down at Lily. She opened her mouth, a furious blur of words coming out.

"I hate him, Lily," she cried, sniffing loudly into her robe sleeves. "I hate him!"

Lily stood up, taking a seat beside her friend on the couch and wrapping her arm around Emmeline's shoulder, rubbing her hand in comforting circles. She began to whisper into her ear, even though she had no idea what she was saying. Still, it seemed to be helping, and Emmeline's cries soon became quieter.

"Really though," Lily's practical side was shining through, and even though every vibe in her body was telling her to shut it, her mouth seemed to have a mouth of its own as she continued to talk. "What did you expect? He's Sirius Black."

"I know, thanks," Emmeline snapped sarcastically. "It's not my fault I fell for the biggest man-whore in the school!" With that, she burst into another fit of tears, cradling her face in her palms.

Realizing her stupidity, Lily mentally smacked herself in the forehead. "Emmie," she coaxed, using her childhood nickname for her friend. "You'll be alright. He's not worth it. You could do so much better."

"You just don't get it, do you?" came the irritated reply. "I don't want better. I want _him_."

She wanted to come up with a clever retort, she really did, but there was simply no comeback for that statement. Emmeline was right. Lily didn't understand. She didn't understand at all. How could someone with so much for her, someone so smart and pretty like Emmeline, fall for such an irresponsible, heartless prankster like Sirius Black? And why on Earth would Sirius be so stupid to totally ignore her, even though she was so obvious that she practically fell over herself every time he entered the room? Lily didn't get it, so she didn't say a word.

Emmeline was silently seething. How dare Lily suggest that? How dare she suggest that she would want someone other than Sirius? Granted, she had just been saying that she hated him, but _still._ Lily was meant to be the smart one – the one that could read between the lines. She was meant to know that when she said, "I hate him," what she really meant was, "I love him so much it hurts." Apparently not.

"Can't you just leave, Lily?" Emmeline muttered, breaking the awkward silence between the two. "Go be happy for yourself. I'd like to wallow in my own despair for a bit, thanks."

"Happy for myself?" Lily raised her eyebrows, but didn't move an inch.

"Yes, damn it!" She grasped the pillow tightly, her nails almost penetrating the material, as she pressed her face into it once more. "You and James can just go frolicking in the meadows together, get married, have nine kids, and you know what? You can just go –"

Lily giggled at the absurdity of the idea, effectively cutting Emmeline off in the middle of her tirade. Putting on her most sarcastic voice she replied, "Yes, Emmie. Just one problem; I hate him, remember?"

"Can you just get over yourself, Lily?" Emmeline growled, flinging the pillow at Lily's head. She would have got her too, except that Lily had put her hands up, stopping the pillow before it could hit her. "He loves you, alright? Why is that so hard for you to accept?"

"Because he's _Potter_," she replied ever so smartly.

Emmeline's tone softened, though she was still speaking in rage. "Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"Lust."

"Love," Emmeline corrected. "Now honestly, Lily, I'm going to my room. See you later, alright?" She didn't wait for a reply, and immediately set off up the stairs that led to the girls' dormitories.

For once, Lily made no move to follow Emmeline, and sat quietly on the couch, feeling a bit shocked. Ever since the two had started Hogwarts together, they had always been on the same page about everything. When James had started asking her out everyday, nothing had changed. Emmeline, if anything, had been even more annoyed by James' coming on than Lily was. It seemed that her opinions had changed though, but why? Lily knew where she stood when it came to Potter. She was just that girl he couldn't get, and when he did, she would just be tossed aside like a used tissue. There was nothing more to it, was there?

Lily sighed, standing up and brushing down her skirt. She had decided that the best thing to do was to go talk to Emmeline. With a bit of luck, she would have calmed down by now.

"Emmie?" Lily knocked tentatively on the door, before pushing it open. Her jaw dropped open as registered what was before her. "Potter? You can't get up here. What are you –"

"I'm a Marauder, Lily," James flashed her an award-winning grin. "You didn't think we hadn't figured out how to get up here?"

"Shut up, James," Emmeline growled, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the whole situation. There was no doubt that their position looked rather compromising. She was sitting with her back against the wall, and James was perched – rather close to her, actually – on the bed. She turned to her friend, and pleaded, "I'll explain later. Can you just leave? Please, Lily?"

Still suffering from shock, Lily closed the door quickly, shaking her head as if to rid herself of any images that were entering her mind.

"She's going to think we're together," Emmeline said pointedly as the door shut.

"She knows about Sirius," James shrugged in reply. "I've told her I love her."

"She doesn't believe you."

She felt bad to be the one that had to tell him, but no one was going to do it. They had become close friends over the summer. Sirius had spent the majority of his time searching for flats, and Lily had spent her time in the Muggle world, leaving Emmeline and James without their best friends. They were brought together upon realizing the infatuation the other had with the other's friend. Emmeline was surprised to find that James was actually rather serious about Lily, and that he actually knew a lot more about Lily than what she would have guessed. James had laughed his head off for a few minutes after she told him that she fancied Sirius. Even though she had expected as much, she had still felt hurt, and did a good job looking so. Because of this the two had taken to talking to each other a lot, though they tried to keep their friendship on the down low at school. Rumours were the last thing the two needed.

"I know," James muttered, running his fingers through his messy hair.

"I tried to tell her," Emmeline smiled weakly. "I think she fancies you."

"You walked in on Sirius, then?" he asked, swiftly changing the subject. If there was anything he had learnt about Lily in the past couple of years was that it was when he got his hopes up was when her rejection hurt a lot. Her rejection always hurt, but it was when he expected her to say, "Yes," when he could always feel his heart plummet at her, "No, Potter."

Emmeline clearly wasn't pleased at the change, but decided to humour him anyway. "Astronomy Tower with some Hufflepuff girl."

"I told him to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Getting off with so many girls," James replied sheepishly, remembering how Sirius had reacted to him saying so. He had been shocked, and somewhat appalled. Though he wished it wasn't so, his approach had been a complete fail.

"I've told Lily to say yes. I think she will. If you could just prove that you love her…"

"I've tried that."

"Give her roses," Emmeline's eyes lit up. "Red roses. She hates lilies."

James was silent as he contemplated the idea. If she was right about Lily's dislike towards lilies, it could explain where he'd been going wrong all these years. It seemed odd though. Why would Lily hate lilies, and why would roses be a better option? Girls, he decided, are complicated creatures.

"I don't know what you could give Sirius…"

"A blowjob?" Emmeline chuckled.

"That would probably work," James said jokingly.

"Ah, in all seriousness though, I'd rather not be one of hundreds," Emmeline smiled lightly, and pushed James off his perch and stood, directing him in the direction on the door. "I'll tell Lily we aren't together. You go, and just remember the roses, alright?"

Lily was sitting, feeling rather confused, in the common room when James bolted through the room on his broom, coming to a halt just before the stairs that led to the boys' dormitories. He hopped off his broom, and began to leap up the stairs. She stared after him for several moments, before realizing that this meant that he had left Emmeline's room. It meant that Emmeline was now free for questioning. Her eyes slowly widened, before she took off in a furious sprint.

"What was that, Emmie?" Lily gasped, entering the room a few short moments later, and collapsing onto the bed in exhaustion. "I thought you fancied Black? Not that I mind, but you're giving up Black for Potter?"

"You did say I could do better…" Emmeline trailed off in an attempt to keep a straight face. It didn't last very long upon seeing Lily's dejected look, and she burst out into fits of laughter. "No, Lily. James and I are strictly friends. Besides, he loves you."

"Not this again," Lily groaned loudly. "I'm just some prize he can't get. There's no love about it."

"He loves you."

"I'm leaving."

"Fine," Emmeline called after her as she exited the room. "He'll prove it though. That he loves you! And when he does, you better say yes!"

Lily rolled her eyes, giggling inwardly. He had tried to prove it to her for the last three years. There was no way that he could prove it now. She had nothing to worry about. She made her way to her room, pushed James Potter to the back of her mind, and a few hours later she fell into a deep sleep.

She awoke to the shining sun peeping through the see-through curtains. Lily had always been a morning person, and she bounded out of bed without a second thought. She was in the middle of pulling a brush through her fiery red hair when she caught sight of a small vase filled with roses sitting on her dresser. Before she could stop herself, a small smile tugged at her lips. She loved roses, she always had. Unfortunately, due to her name, everyone seemed to automatically think the lilies would be her favourite flower. The small card poking out from under the vase caught Lily's attention, and she neared the vase, reading the note quickly.

_I love you. _

Eight letters. Three words. It captivated her. She knew it was from Potter. No one else would send her flowers, and no one else claimed to love her. A sense of childlike wonder took over her as she gazed longingly at the red roses. It was everything she'd always wanted. For someone to give her flowers – her favourite flowers – just because they loved her. The gesture seemed almost unreal. If only she'd listened to Emmeline sooner, and just accepted a damn date already. He did try; it was rather sweet, really.

"Lily?" Emmeline rapped at the door impatiently, before refusing to wait any longer and barging into the room. "Oh, Lily…"

She watched as Lily gazed at the roses longingly. She could almost hear Lily's brain whirring with thought. For James' sake, she hoped that Lily would, for once in her life, just say _yes_. Emmeline couldn't understand why James had never thought of sending flowers before. She supposed it was better that he hadn't, because he probably would have sent her some lilies, but it struck her as odd that the idea had never occurred to him before.

"I'm sorry, Em," Lily brushed passed her, without even greeting her. "I've got to talk to Pot – James."

Emmeline leaned against the wall of the corridor, grinning as Lily rushed down the stairs, almost tripping over herself. In a few minutes Lily and James would be Hogwarts newest couple, Lily would be busy feeling happy for herself, and Emmeline could finally get those few hours to herself that she had wished for the previous night. Oh, she knew that she would never have Sirius, not properly anyway. And as she watched Lily leap into James' arms from the top of the stairs, she realised that it didn't really matter to her anyway. Yes, it still hurt, like thousands of knives stabbing at her heart repeatedly, but she would still live. She didn't need him to make her whole.

Sirius could snog who he liked. Emmeline returned to being her light and bubbly self. James kept asking Lily out, though now she always said yes. Just for now, all was right at Hogwarts.


End file.
